I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
