i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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