Im at strip club and am horny
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize