how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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