I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
