God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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