in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
