from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
