Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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