i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
