Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
