his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
