Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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