I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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