did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
