I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
