Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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