Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
