At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
What a dumb baby whore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
