i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
