He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
