Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
