so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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