why didn't you poke me back
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
