Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Damn victory sex feels great
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
