my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
