why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
