Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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