My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
