Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
