just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize