He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she pinky promised me she was 18
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
