Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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