i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
