Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
