did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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