Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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