and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
