It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize