i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
