I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
