i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
