So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
