I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
