Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
