I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
