Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
