Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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