Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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