he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
