Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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