He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
