he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need water and some morals
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
