She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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