What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we made out on top of his cat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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