why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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