in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
