i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
