Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
