Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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