Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize