I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
