the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
