I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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