My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
