I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize